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The Weight of Our Words: An Eating Disorder Therapist's Take on Concern, Surveillance, and Systemic Complicity

Updated: Feb 4

Last updated: 4th February 2026


Public commentary about celebrities' bodies has real consequences. When we discuss weight changes, even with concern, we contribute to a culture that harms people struggling with eating disorders and body image. This article examines why well-meaning comments can be dangerous and how we can foster healthier conversations.


Content Warning: This article discusses eating disorders, body image, weight commentary, and mentions of death. Please engage with care.


This week, I shared a post on Instagram about the online commentary surrounding Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo during the Wicked press tour. The response has been significant, both supportive and challenging, which tells me this conversation is both necessary and uncomfortable.


If you haven't seen the Instagram post yet, you can view it here. This blog post expands on those ideas with deeper context, research, and practical guidance for navigating these complex issues.


Since the Wicked press tour began in 2024, social media and mainstream media outlets have been flooded with commentary about these actresses' bodies. The discourse ranges from armchair diagnoses to side-by-side comparison photos, theories about what's "really happening" behind the scenes, and expressions of "concern" that blur the line between care and cruelty.


As an eating disorder therapist, I need to address what's actually happening here, not just to these two incredibly talented people, but to all of us caught in this cycle of surveillance, speculation, and systemic harm.


The Comments Have Been Cruel


Let me be direct about what I've been seeing online:


  • "They look near death starvation."

  • "They're having a skinny-off."

  • "What is going on... they look terrible."

  • "They look ghostly."

  • "Anorexic."


Let's be absolutely clear: these comments are harmful, dehumanising, and cruel, regardless of intent.


Many people justify this commentary by framing it as a concern. But as we'll explore in this piece, "concern" doesn't give us permission to publicly dissect another person's body.


In fact, research shows that this kind of commentary, even when well-intentioned, is directly linked to the development and maintenance of eating disorders.


And it gets darker. In pro-eating disorder communities online, images of Grande and Erivo are being shared as "thinspiration", motivation for people to starve themselves.


Why We Feel So Invested


Before we dive into the harm, let's understand what's driving this intense emotional investment: parasocial relationships.


Parasocial relationships are one-sided emotional connections where a celebrity or public figure feels like a real friend, despite never having met them.


These connections can manifest as feeling protective, entitled to information, or overly invested in the person's life (Horton & Wohl, 1956; Derrick et al., 2008).


Research conducted by Thriveworks (Murray, 2022) found that 51% of Americans have experienced parasocial relationships, though only 16% admit to it.


Social media has amplified this phenomenon exponentially.


When we see Grande's home photos, Erivo's pet videos, and their behind-the-scenes content, our brains process these glimpses as markers of genuine friendship.


When they feel like our friends, of course we feel concerned.


This is a natural human response. But that emotional investment doesn't mean public commentary helps, in fact, it often does the opposite.


When "Concern" Becomes Harm


Many people claim they're just "concerned" for Grande's and Erivo's health.


The intention may be genuine.


But here's what the research tells us about the impact:


Body shaming, even when framed as concern, is directly linked to the development and maintenance of eating disorders, particularly in adolescents and young adults (Cerolini et al., 2024).


In their research, Cerolini and colleagues found that 37% of adolescents reported experiencing body shaming, and those who experienced it showed significantly higher eating disorder symptoms.


Comments don't need to be intentionally cruel to cause harm.


The impact extends far beyond the immediate target.


What the Research Says


Weight-related comments, whether from family members, romantic partners, or the public, are consistently associated with disordered eating behaviours in both females and males (Alimoradi et al., 2020; Warnick et al., 2022).


This reveals something crucial: Eating disorders don't exist in a vacuum.


They're systemic issues, often rooted in family systems where body commentary, diet culture, and appearance-based worth have been normalised.


What we say publicly mirrors and reinforces what happens in homes, at dinner tables, in changing rooms.


On platforms like Instagram and TikTok, exposure to "ideal" body types and the accompanying commentary encourages body dissatisfaction and diminished self-worth (Fardouly & Vartanian, 2016).


But here's the twist that many people miss: Research by Brown & Tiggemann (2021) demonstrates that when we compare ourselves to celebrities, it activates negative feelings about our own bodies and damages our body image.


The scrutiny hurts everyone, them AND us.


The Problem with Labels


Calling someone "anorexic" or "too thin" reduces a complex human being to a diagnosis or an appearance.


Labels:


  • Strip away humanity and context

  • Assume we know someone's full story (we don't)

  • Create stigma that can prevent people from seeking help

  • Ignore that eating disorders are psychiatric illnesses, not aesthetic choices


Here's a critical fact from the Academy for Eating Disorders (Bulik, 2015): You cannot diagnose an eating disorder by someone's appearance alone.


Someone can look "healthy" and be struggling.


Someone can look "unhealthy" and not have an eating disorder.


The DSM-5-TR explicitly states that eating disorders occur at all body sizes and cannot be diagnosed by weight alone.


This is reinforced by research from Lebow, Sim & Kransdorf (2015), who demonstrate that weight-based assumptions reduce diagnostic accuracy, and Nagata et al. (2020), who show that stigma toward "atypical anorexia" increases shame and deters help-seeking.


The Complex Reality of Eating Disorders


Eating disorders are not about wanting to be thin or lacking willpower.


They develop at the intersection of:


  • Biological sensitivity

  • Temperament

  • Developmental history

  • Family dynamics

  • Trauma

  • Cultural messages about bodies

  • Individual strategies for managing emotions and self-worth


While diagnostic labels like anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, binge eating disorder, and OSFED can support clinical communication, people often move between diagnostic categories or show mixed presentations.


What tends to unite eating disorders is an over-reliance on shape, weight, and eating control to regulate self-esteem or manage overwhelming feelings.


This is why working with eating disorders involves not only food, but also relationships, identity, emotion regulation, meaning-making, emotional safety, and the body as a whole.


Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric disorder. When we comment on bodies publicly, we're not engaging in harmless gossip. This is literally a matter of life and death.


Appearance ≠ Someone's Story


What we see externally reveals nothing about:


  • Internal health struggles

  • Chronic illness or acute medical conditions

  • Trauma responses

  • Stress manifestations

  • Medication side effects

  • Genetic factors

  • Mental health conditions


Ariana Grande herself addressed this in a 2023 TikTok video, saying: "There are many different ways to look healthy and beautiful", revealing that she was at her "lowest point" when her body appeared its "healthiest" to the public.


The Chadwick Boseman Lesson


Remember Chadwick Boseman? The beloved Black Panther star (who also starred in 42, Marshall, and Ma Rainey's Black Bottom) experienced intense online speculation and mockery regarding his weight loss. People made cruel comments about his appearance, speculated about drug use, and questioned his health choices.


We later learned he had been privately battling stage IV colon cancer for four years. He passed away in 2020 at age 43.


Bodies are not mirrors of internal health. We never know what someone is going through.


Complicity: Where the Real Harm Lives


Some of you may be thinking: "But aren't we being complicit if we say nothing?"


Here's what you need to understand: Celebrities often have robust support systems, family, friends, therapists, medical professionals, and teams whose livelihoods depend on their well-being, who can actually intervene effectively when needed.


Your public commentary cannot.


The Real Complicity


The real complicity isn't in staying silent. It's in unintentionally feeding a multi-billion-dollar celebrity-gossip economy every time we click, share, comment, or "express concern."


Your engagement, even when motivated by genuine worry, directly fuels an industry engineered to keep us watching bodies instead of questioning why we're watching in the first place.


This dovetails seamlessly with a $450 billion beauty industry and a $163 billion weight-loss market, sectors that flourish when we're taught to view bodies (especially women's bodies) as problems to be fixed.


As numerous analyses of beauty, dieting, and media ecosystems demonstrate, these industries thrive not on our well-being but on our insecurity.


Our "concern" becomes their revenue stream.


The Systemic Nature of Eating Disorders


Abstract design with overlapping circles in blue, purple, and green, intersecting lines, and wave patterns on a beige background. Calm mood.
A conceptual illustration depicting the multifaceted nature of eating disorders, intertwining familial dynamics, generational influences, and societal expectations into a complex visual narrative.

As a therapist specialising in eating disorders and a Master Practitioner in Eating Disorders and Obesity Management from the National Centre for Eating Disorders (NCFED), I can tell you: these are complex psychiatric conditions rooted in the interplay between biology, temperament, trauma, attachment patterns, and cultural messages.


Eating disorders are never "just about food." They're about how people learn to regulate emotion, identity, and safety through their bodies.


They develop systemically:

  • Within family systems: Transmitting body anxiety across generations

  • Within cultural systems: Equating thinness with worth

  • Within social systems: Rewarding surveillance and commentary


Public speculation about someone's body or mental health never helps that person. But it can:

  • Trigger those in recovery

  • Reinforce harmful beliefs in those currently struggling

  • Create shame that prevents help-seeking

  • Normalise body surveillance culture in families and communities

  • Damage your own body image through comparison

  • Provide "thinspiration" for pro-eating disorder communities

  • Model harmful patterns that children absorb and internalise


This doesn't mean that critiquing thin culture or diet culture is unimportant, it absolutely is.


But there are effective ways to do this without targeting individual bodies.


What We Can Do Instead - from an Eating Disorder Therapist


Understanding the systemic nature of this issue means we must address it systemically.


At the Cultural Level


Focus on talent, not bodies. When discussing Grande and Erivo, centre their artistry, vocal performances, acting skills, and the work they've created. Question why women's bodies consistently dominate discourse in ways that men's bodies don't.


Address the systems. A beauty and weight-loss industry worth over $600 billion profits from our self-hatred. Name this. Examine the normalisation of weight-loss drugs like Ozempic and what that reveals about our culture's relationship with bodies.


Challenge media practices. Call out publications and platforms that profit from body-focused content. Refuse to engage with clickbait about celebrities' bodies.


At the Family and Community Level


Examine your own patterns. How does body-talk show up in your family system? What messages did you receive about bodies growing up? What are you unconsciously transmitting to the next generation?


Ask yourself the hard questions: "Would I want thousands of strangers analysing my body this way? My child's body? My partner's body?"


Model compassionate language about all bodies. Children are watching and learning. The way we talk about celebrities' bodies teaches them how to think about their own bodies and others'.


Remember the Chadwick Boseman lesson. You never know what someone is going through. Appearance tells you nothing about lived experience, illness, trauma, or stress.


Support Systemically

  • Advocate for better mental health access and eating disorder treatment

  • Challenge weight stigma in medical settings, schools, workplaces, and homes

  • Break intergenerational patterns of body anxiety

  • Support organizations working to dismantle diet culture

  • Educate yourself about Health At Every Size (HAES) principles


If You're Genuinely Concerned About Someone in Your Life


If you're worried about someone you actually know, not a parasocial relationship, but a family member, partner, friend, or colleague, here's how to approach it:


  • Choose your moment carefully. Find a calm, private moment, not during meals, conflicts, or times of emotional intensity.

  • Ask for permission. "Is it okay if I check in with you about something I've noticed?" This creates safety and respects autonomy.

  • Focus on feelings and behaviour, not appearance. Say things like "You've seemed overwhelmed lately" or "I've noticed you seem stressed." Never comment on weight, size, or eating.

  • Speak from your perspective. "I might be off, but I've noticed you seem different lately. How are you doing?"

  • Avoid body commentary, confrontation, and ultimatums entirely. These approaches typically backfire and create shame.

  • Offer non-judgmental support, not solutions. "I'm here when you're ready" is far more helpful than trying to fix or rescue.

  • Let them know support is available when they choose it. Provide information about resources without pressure.

  • Maintain connection. Eating disorders soften in the presence of safe, compassionate relationships. Don't withdraw or make your continued relationship conditional on them getting help.


The Conversation About Bodies Needs to Change


The commentary around Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo is just one manifestation of a much larger problem: a culture that treats bodies, particularly women's bodies, as public property, objects for consumption and critique, problems to be solved.


This culture is maintained by:

  • A multi-billion-dollar gossip industry that profits from body surveillance

  • Beauty and weight-loss industries that thrive on insecurity

  • Social media algorithms that reward engagement over well-being

  • Family systems that unconsciously transmit body anxiety across generations

  • Cultural narratives that equate thinness with worth, health, and morality


Changing this requires all of us.


It starts with:

  • Refusing to engage with body-focused content

  • Examining our own internalized beliefs about bodies

  • Modeling different conversations in our homes and communities

  • Advocating for systemic change in media, healthcare, and education

  • Supporting those who are struggling with compassion rather than judgment


The next time you feel compelled to comment on someone's body, whether that someone is a celebrity or a person in your life, pause.


Ask yourself:

  • What am I trying to accomplish?

  • Will this help or harm?

  • Am I feeding a system I claim to oppose?

  • What would I want if someone were speculating about my body this way?


Let the conversation about bodies change. Let it start with us, in our homes, our communities, and our culture.


A Note on Support and Recovery


If this article resonates because you're personally struggling with your relationship with food, your body, or overwhelming appearance-based anxiety: you're not alone, and help is available.


Eating disorders thrive in shame and secrecy. Recovery thrives in connection and compassion.


Because eating disorders are complex systemic issues, effective treatment addresses not just individual symptoms, but the family patterns, cultural messages, and relational dynamics that contribute to and maintain them.


As a Master Practitioner in Eating Disorders and Obesity Management, I work with individuals to help them understand how these patterns developed and how to create lasting change.


With a commitment to weight-inclusive, Health At Every Size (HAES)-aligned care, I support clients addressing the complex systemic factors that contribute to disordered eating and body image struggles.


I believe that eating disorders are never "just about food", they're about how we learn to regulate emotion, navigate relationships, and find safety in our bodies within the cultural systems that surround us.


Recovery is possible, and it happens in the context of compassionate, informed care that honours your whole story.


Practice Focus:


  • Eating disorders (anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder, OSFED)

  • Disordered eating and body image concerns

  • Trauma-informed care

  • Weight-inclusive approaches

  • Breaking intergenerational patterns


How I Can Help


If you're looking for support, whether you're struggling yourself, concerned about a loved one, or looking to break intergenerational patterns, I'm here to help.


You deserve care that sees you as a whole person within your whole system, not a body to be fixed.


I incorporate evidence-based approaches that honour the complexity of your experience and recognise that healing involves more than just changing eating behaviours.


We'll work collaboratively in exploring the intersection of trauma and your relationship with food and your body.


We'll work to address the relational and cultural patterns that contribute to and maintain eating disorders.


Please reach out using one of the links below.





Did this article resonate with you? Save it, share it, and let's start changing the conversation about bodies together.


Resources


If you or someone you know is struggling:


United Kingdom - BEAT Eating Disorders:


United States - National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA):

  • Helpline: 1-800-931-2237

  • Crisis support: Text "NEDA" to 741741 (24/7 via Crisis Text Line)

  • Hours: Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm ET, Friday 9am-5pm ET

  • Website: www.nationaleatingdisorders.org


Australia - Butterfly Foundation:


For more information:



References


Alimoradi, Z., Golboni, F., Griffiths, M. D., Broström, A., & Pakpour, A. H. (2020). Weight-related stigma and psychological distress: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Clinical Nutrition.


Brown, Z., & Tiggemann, M. (2021). Celebrity influence on body image and eating disorders: A review. Journal of Health Psychology.


Bulik, C. (2015). The nine truths about eating disorders. Academy for Eating Disorders.


Cerolini, S., Zagaria, A., Mancini, G., & Lombardo, C. (2024). Body shaming and eating disorder features: A systematic review. Body Image.


Derrick, J. L., Gabriel, S., & Hugenberg, K. (2008). Social surrogacy: How favored television programs provide the experience of belonging. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.


Fardouly, J., & Vartanian, L. R. (2016). Social media and body image concerns: Current research and future directions. Current Opinion in Psychology.


Horton, D., & Wohl, R. R. (1956). Mass communication and para-social interaction: Observations on intimacy at a distance. Psychiatry.


Lebow, J., Sim, L. A., & Kransdorf, L. N. (2015). Prevalence of a history of overweight and obesity in adolescents with restrictive eating disorders. Journal of Adolescent Health.


Murray, W. (2022). New Thriveworks research shows abundance of parasocial relationships in the US. Thriveworks.


Nagata, J. M., Ganson, K. T., & Murray, S. B. (2020). Eating disorders in adolescent boys and young men: An update. Current Opinion in Pediatrics.


Warnick, J. L., et al. (2022). Family-based factors associated with adolescent eating disorder symptoms. Journal of Family Psychology.



TL;DR (Too Long; Didn't Read)


The online commentary about Ariana Grande's and Cynthia Erivo's bodies during the Wicked press tour reveals a larger cultural problem: body surveillance disguised as "concern." As an eating disorder therapist and Master Practitioner in Eating Disorders and Obesity Management, I break down:

  • Why parasocial relationships make us feel entitled to comment (51% of Americans have experienced them)

  • How "concern" causes harm: Body shaming is directly linked to eating disorder development (Cerolini et al., 2024)

  • The systemic complicity: Our clicks feed a $613 billion industry (gossip + beauty + weight loss) that profits from insecurity

  • What research shows: Weight comments from anyone, family, partners, or the public, increase disordered eating in all genders

  • Why appearance tells you nothing: You cannot diagnose eating disorders by looking (Academy for Eating Disorders)

  • What we can do instead: Address diet culture systemically, not by targeting individual bodies


The bottom line: Eating disorders are systemic issues with the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric disorder. Public speculation never helps, but it can trigger those in recovery, damage everyone's body image through comparison, and model harmful patterns to children. The conversation about bodies needs to change, and it starts with us.

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